How Long Do I Wait Now?

I hate what you’ve done to me. Its hard to move on because I cant seem to find the feeling or “spark” that I had when I was with you. Of course its more than likely because you were my first for everything. But how you treat me now, and the things ive heard you say about me from others. I only find myself hating you. But I dont want to, and I cant. Its not fair. Idk if I just dont remember what it feels like to be in love, or that no one else compares to what me and you had… Maybe I just I havent found the one yet. Idk… But for the most part, I just miss having that one person I can talk to about anything and everything day in and day out without getting sick of hearing from one another. Maybe a meaningful hug will get me through these times. But from who? Idk I cant think of anyone now, but sooner or later I’m gonna want to be in love again.

What am I suppose to do???

I dont get it. You told me to not talk to you if I still had feelings for you, yet you still try to talk to me. Nowadays every time I end up talking to you. I’M the one that gets hurt. WHY??? Why did you have to tell me that?? Why did you have to bring it up? DID YOU EVEN STOP AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WERE SAYING? Was it really necessary? Why is that things between us now, are the way they are? Its never what wanted I wanted nor did I ever expect this to happen. Even till now, I can have all this hate and anger towards you. But at the end of the day. I still want to say I love you. Its not fair. Because at this point, im just afraid now of being hurt. Idk if you feel the same about me now or if your feelings have changed. But I dont want to ask and find out, id rather have you confess it. Im done being the one whos trying to fix things and putting my feelings on the line. I just wish the happiness we had together would just come back.

But who am I kidding? I bet even till now… You still dont care ~